


begin again (and again and again)

by kingmakr



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers Endgame Spoilers, Avengers: Endgame (Movie), M/M, Married Couple, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Superfamily (Marvel), but also Divorced Couple, not a fix it fic at all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2020-02-08 12:59:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18623773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingmakr/pseuds/kingmakr
Summary: When Steve sees Tony again, he is more iron and bone than flesh.**Avengers Endgame Spoilers -- you have been warned!**





	begin again (and again and again)

**Author's Note:**

> This was something I quickly whipped up a few hours after watching Endgame. It isn't perfect, but I still like it nonetheless. 
> 
> Again -- Avengers Endgame Spoilers that basically tell the whole movie, so you have been warned!

When Steve sees Tony again -- he is more of iron and bone than flesh. 

He hasn't seen him since Siber. Since he left him there in tatters and an abandoned shield. He hasn't seen Peter since Germany. Since his son told him that dad said he was wrong, but he thought he was right and that made him dangerous. All of it seemed like it happened lifetimes ago, but he supposes that's what happens when you're standing at the edge of the earth at the end of the world. 

When he sees Tony again exiting a rusty old carrier, he rushes to his side to support his frail figure. He limps and slumps into his arms -- without meaning to, mind you. Because once he sees Pepper's face, he immediately prefers her comfort over Steve's, his own husband's. 

Pepper leads Tony away to get something in his system -- food, water,  _anything_ \-- and Steve is left to do nothing but comply. However, his husband (ex-husband? There were no papers signed. No promises of divorce. Just accords and disagreements caught between them) tells him one thing. 

 _"I lost the kid."_ He rasps. 

Steve's heart collapses. It truly is the end of the world. 

 

_______________

 

When Tony wakes up, he is neither happy nor cooperative. 

There is a sadistic and selfish hope in Steve that wishes that what they've lost can mend whatever is left of their relationship (their partnership, _their marriage --_ ). He wishes that they can lay down their weapons and self-pitifully bond over what's no longer there with them. 

Instead, there is nothing but hurt, hurt, hurt in Tony's eyes. He rips out his arc reactor -- his beating heart -- and forces it into Steve's hands. It crumbles under his calloused fingers and Steve sees now that this is what he's done. He's crushed half of his husband's heart despite the fact he promised to protect it years ago. 

The other half belonged to Peter and he too broke it without meaning to. 

When they come for Thanos, Steve promises to make things right. 

When they come for Thanos and he sees the stone turned to dust, Steve figures that there is no place to run (not to his husband, not to his son) but forward. 

 

_______________

 

But he does run to his husband, and they decide to try again. As in _again again_. They adopt another one. This time a girl named Morgan -- right after Pepper's eccentric uncle who Tony finds so amusing. Steve loves her -- Tony loves her. Life moves on -- they move on. 

However, they move on in different directions. For Tony, it's completely (wholly, almost _obsessively_ ) falling into the role of father for Morgan. For Steve, it's helping people find direction even when it seems like they ( _he_ ) can't. Eventually, they finalize the divorce papers. Tony gets sole custody of their daughter and Steve cannot complain. He's allowed to visit them and already that's too kind of his ex-husband. 

Morgan lives in the outskirts fo the state. 

Steve lives in the heart of it. 

 

Morgan loves him to 900. 

She loves Tony to 3000. 

 

He cannot complain. He moves on. 

 

_______________

 

Time travel. It's fucking ridiculous -- Tony says it's fucking ridiculous. However, Steve knows his husband ( _ex-husband, ex-husband_ ). The guilt of Peter still haunts his dreams and stains his hands. His new kitchen still has Peter's picture up, albeit hidden away in the darkest back of the shelves. Morgan wants a brother, but Tony can't bring himself to say yes or no. 

He knows Tony and Tony eventually comes around to solving the puzzle to fix this mess. 

When they get Peter back, Steve is certain Tony will also get sole custody of their son and will finally cut all ties with him. But it doesn't matter. As long as they get their boy back, Steve is content. 

 

_______________

 

"Do you trust me?" He asks, and it feels like a  _goddamn_ wedding vow. 

_"I do."_

 

 

_______________

 

_"I am Iron Man." **Snap.**_

 

 

_______________

 

The sides are cruelly flipped. 

This time around, it is son holding father, and begging him not to go ( _we won, we won, please dad, I'm sorry..._ ) and Tony (good, fatherly Tony) is anything but responsive. The flicker of his arc reactor blinks like a dimming light bulb -- like a dying star. 

Steve falls to his knees-- half ready to beg the same way his son has with a failing voice and repeated pleas. However, the worlds fail him at the sight of his husband.  _This is it,_ he thinks. This is how his world ends -- over and over again. 

In the long run, Steve is grateful that Pepper steps in between them and caresses Tony's cheek. "You can rest now," she says, and although it hurts to let go, Steve knows it's what Tony needs. It's what he deserves after all these years. 

His light flickers out and Peter's breath hitches. Something cold washes over Steve at that moment. 

 _It's over,_ he thinks. And perhaps, for his husband, it was for the better...

 

_______________

 

True to Bruce's promise, the Avengers return the stones to their rightful places, to their rightful timelines. Steve takes on the task of returning them while his children get to know each other. Peter never lets his sister out of his sight, and Morgan finally got the brother she's always wanted. By the time Steve gets back, they will be fast friends and then an inseparable of brother and sister and then family at last. 

When he makes it to New York, 2012 -- just before the disaster -- he seeks out his husband a.k.a his then _pain-in-the-ass_ , forced colleague. He watches Tony poke and probe his past self, provoking him until he's a simmered pot boiled over. He watches him play up the ' _genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist_ ' facade and knows deep down he was just a man with too much heart. 

He looks... _young._ Not at all like the Tony Steve left behind (or rather...the Tony who left him behind). He was brimming with pride and arrogance that had yet to be tamed. Steve wishes he could bottle it up and save it forever. 

When he makes his stop to New York, 2012 -- just before the disaster, just before everything was triggered -- he seeks out his husband and he wants to stay. He wants to stay and create a different timeline -- one where they fall in love, get married, have children, fight, have children, fight some more, and yet still live many happy decades together. He wants to stay until the serum fails him and until he's the one leaving Tony behind and not the other way around. He wants to stay and watch their children grow up and have their own future -- live in a timeline more peaceful than the last. And then he can go back and tell the rest that he's done his part. He's returned the stones. 

He wants to stay, but he knows that Tony will have his head if he does. 

He can't come home an old man with laughter lines and fully lived out bones. 

It takes a lot to keep up with a five year old and a teenager. He's got to go back. 

**Author's Note:**

> one day I'll write a fix it fic but today is not that day. It's like 2012 all over again where all I can think of is Avengers except this time with more depression.


End file.
